The life of a rock is a cold one of solitude. I won’t change who I am to have the things that I think I need, that’s a promise. I’ve never met another true rock but I suppose they are off somewhere in the world shining, blazing brightly like a beacon for others. That’s what we do, it’s all we know how to do.
Rocks aren’t loved, they just give love until they eventually die cold and alone.
Sometimes I think about how far I’ve come, how much wisdom I’ve gained and how I apply it to my everyday life. Being alone comes with the territory and it’s not always bad. I used to think I wouldn’t be alone forever. I used to think she’d apologize to me. I used to believe in justice, the good in people, his heart, my heart… so many things.
I used to be so fucking naive.
But I have to wonder…
Will keeping safe always be enough for me?
"Have faith in people", he says to me with a smile.
"I can’t" I reply.
You really can’t. My subconscious whispers to me. You have to have some sort of trust in order to have faith. You have neither of those.
Trust me I know.
It’s funny to think of how you used to make light of Andee being a control freak. You’re even worse now. My subconscious chuckles in a dark corner.
I don’t mind it so much. It keeps me out of trouble. Safe.
At what cost? And when that seal finally does break… She pauses. You’ll lose your sanity all over again.
Well we’ll just have to see about that. I don’t see anything breaking anytime soon.
She laughs and inches her knees toward her chest in the shadows.
And then there’s your sick, twisted but delicious ideas… She licks her lips slowly. You think you’re in control in situations like that?
No, but I don’t put myself in situations like that in the first place.
Hmmm, I know you’d like to, sweetheart. She hisses.
For where am I to go? And by what shall I steer? What is to be my quest? Bilbo went to find a treasure, there and back again; but I go to lose one, and not return, as far as I can see.
Thank you for reminding me of how much I fucking loathe you. She tells me people change. She tells me to look inwardly at myself and at how much I’ve changed and it doesn’t matter. We’re all different and some are clearly better than others. I wanted to change so I did.
When the fuck are you going to grow up?
You’ll never fucking change.
I fucking hate you and you make the dull, aching pain in my chest heavier and it makes me want to dig it out with a scalpel.
I’m tired of breathing.